Ulitmate Stalking

A few days ago I was walking down the hall. A few feet ahead of me was a good friend of mine. I considered the following options to get their attention:

1. Shout their name and cause much public embarrassment for the both of us.

2. Run to catch up with them and cause several heads to turn as I butt through people and push them around. 

...Sounds fun...but maybe not.

3. Start walking faster hoping that maybe I'll eventually catch up and then smoothly say hello. 

What really happened? I tried to walk faster, hoping to catch up and smoothly walk past and just casually say hello. Unfortunately...My legs are very very short. So basically I just followed them through the school for a good 10 minutes until I realized that I was awkwardly stalking them. Actually I was stalking them without even knowing! That was pretty exciting for me. 

SO. If you ever feel the need to stalk someone, just casually walk behind them. See where they go, what they do, who they talk to. No big. Enjoy!

---ANNABELLE

Mermaids

We’re mermaids. Mermaids are exceptions to No Shave November, as Annabelle kindly reminded me and our mermaid sisters last night in a text. Thanks Annabelle. King Triton is the exception to the mermaid exception.

Annabelle and I have a friend. She’s not a mermaid. But she’s pretty. She’s also pretty mean. But she is our friend anyway. We hate each other. Nevertheless, we invited her to post on our blog. Who knows if she ever will. She probably thinks she is too cool for us. Since she hasn’t yet come up with her code name, I will refer to her in this post as “her”. “Her” and I made a to-do list. We decided that if everyone listened to us and did things our way, they would be so much happier. I know, that’s Satan’s plan. We’re working on some revisions so it won’t be.

… (that’s a substitute Annabelle came up with for another individual who doesn’t have a code name)

... finally told me and “her” who ponytail girl is. Not who we were expecting. “Her” guessed who it was a long time ago, but … is a good liar and we trusted him when he denied it. For all we know, he could still be lying.

Dear “her”, I hope this is enough motivation for you to come up with a name for yourself. I’m sick of typing quotation marks when I refer to you. I also think you should post here sometime. We invited you because you are our friend, and your stalking skills exceeded my expectations. Join us.

Dear Annabelle, we need a better name for…

--Rita

Epic Fail

It seems that Rita and I have had a hard time posting these past couple of months. I wish I could tell you that something epic has happened to us like we survived a natural disaster or something...wait. We did!! You see, once upon a time Rita and I were prostitutes. One day, while waiting to become ladies of the night, a major pipe burst. Suddenly water was everywhere and they had to shove all the members of the chain gang and prostitutes into one room. Everyone was crying and they started to bring wet, dripping belongings in to us. Once the flow of the water had slowed, we sang for lots of people. Then we went to Iceburg instead. I'd say that's a pretty decent trade for being a prostitute.

Rita and I obviously have failed at posting, but I feel a rededication to this blog coming on. Our most recent stalking escapade has been stalking people with ponytails. You see, we're trying to find .... a new secret love. Once upon a time he drew stick figures of all the girls he has secret crushes on. Each one had a different hairstyle but apparently "pony tail girl" is THE ONE. So obviously we have to find out who that is. If you aren't interested in having a man in love with you, don't wear a ponytail anytime soon.

So now it's November. No shave November. That's right. Apparently it's the season for Americans to become French. (French people don't shave..in case you didn't catch that.) Anyone can join in on this activity! Men, women, children, your dog, the list goes on! So...don't plan on shaving for the next month.

That's all I've got. Enjoy some facial hair pictures.

See more pics at http://lol.com.pk/2011/01/most-bizarre-beards-and-mustaches/ 

Cars and Cards

Annabelle and I spent forty hours of this last week in a drivers ed class. Here are the highlights (they were few and far between):

"I bet this is what living in a rest home feels like. Eventually you just accept the wasted time and learn to play cards."
-Rita

"Cheering is hard. You have to work your arms, and your legs, and your mouth."
-Cheerleader

"I hate this chair."
-Rita (I switched it with the unfortunate soul who sat in front of me)

Question: Where do you find a railroad sign?
Annabelle and Rita's answer: Pg. 20

"Maybe we should be in the same car to minimize damage to only on vehicle."
-Rita

"Hurt or KILLED!" "And this long spike." "Like bullets!"
-Sly Fox and Birdie

"Remember when I hit your face, Rita?"
-Annabelle

"Do not be dumb."
-Mr. Teacher (we hate it when students call a teacher "teacher")

"I'm done."
-Rita as she gets out of the car after running over a cone.

Mr. Teacher: There's neon clothing right there!
Immodest student: *gasp* Sorry! That's innappropriate.
Mr. Teacher: Well then it shouldn't be showing!

"The integrity in this room is about 7% Only on of you has integrity. That way you can all think that your that one and the rest of you are SKANKS!"
-Mr. Teacher

(About his job) "It's borderline... prostitution."
-Mr. Teacher

Drivers ed is over forever! Luckily, we passed the class. We are done playing cards (for now) and we are on the road!

Window Stalking

When you want to go shopping and you don't have any money, we American's do what we call "window shopping."  Well, when Rita and I are out having fun and we don't have a particular person that we are stalking, we do what we like to call "window stalking." Window stalking is very simple and is ideal when you can see many people at once. The last time we did prime "window stalking" was when we spent our Friday night at the Library. (Because we are just that cool) A big group of people was leaving the library because the play "The Importance of Being Earnest" had just gotten out. You can learn all sorts of things by window stalking. You can see who is in a relationship (because that is obviously important to us. Of course we are doing men shopping. Not really though, that would place us in the creeper category.) Anyway, window stalking is a wonderful activity that can keep you entertained anytime, anywhere!

I also would like to take this opportunity to say that Rita is very funny. The other day someone said to me, "So, Annabelle, how's your boyfriend?" (He was joking of course) Rita quickly answered and said, "You mean her fiance? Peach is great." I laughed for a very, very long time. It was great. :)

The End.

It's a German Thing

Once upon a time Annabelle and Rita went to a play called Phantom of the Opera. You've probably never heard of it. We had to wait in line for a long time. Even though Peach was a member of the cast, we were there before him and he had our tickets. Hence the waiting. To entertain ourselves, we played a game invented by Belle. It's called the Hating Game. Each player takes turns naming things they hate. For example:
"I hate kids."
"I hate your kids."
"I hate my kids."
"Especially my kids!!!"
"I hate music."
"I hate musicals."
"I hate Phantom of the Opera."
"I hate this school."
"I hate theater in general."
"I hate waiting in lines."
We got some nasty looks from the lady in front of us. I don't think she is familiar with the Hating Game. If we ever meet her again we will introduce her to Belle and teach her the rules of the game.

Suddenly, we were confronted by an odd guy in a green bathrobe. He stared at us kind of funny and said "How are you?" Annabelle thought he said "Are you..." so she was waiting for him to finish his sentence. There was an awkward silence before we figured it out. And an awkward guy. In an awkward green bathrobe. We assumed he was a cast member who just hadn't put his costume on yet. But then we saw him after the show in the same apparel. "Who wears a bathrobe to a play?" we wondered. Peach informed us that he is an exchange student from Germany. It must be a German thing.

Codename: Peach

So I am actually madly in love with Peach. Not really, but I am convinced I am going to marry him. Rita and I  met him when we were in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolored Dreamcoat. He was supposed to come see my play tonight and now he cannot. I think my world might be over. Not really though. Anyway. That is all :)

Perilous Mission

"We have a few minutes," I said. So we hurried after Man, hoping for something interesting. “Stalking is hard in heels,” said Annabelle, but she managed to walk impressively fast despite her shoes. Just then Annabelle hiccuped. She has rather infamous hiccups because they are so loud (she often interrupts our English class). “Your hiccups aren’t very inconspicuous,” I said, but luckily Man didn’t notice.

We were about to follow Man around a corner, when Annabelle spotted a Herd of boys whom we frequently stalk. The situation seemed hopeless. How could we ever get past without them noticing us? We took a deep breath and snuck carefully around the corner with success.

Then I ran into a door. Hallway doors should not open outwards, but I escaped with only minor wounds. Rita vs. the door. I won. Barely.

Unfortunately, the bell rang soon after that. We had to turn around, but so did Man and his friends. The roles were reversed. He was following us! Before we could get away, Green, a prominent member of the Herd, intercepted us. He nagged Annabelle. The conversation was of infinite consequence to them, but of little significance to this blog so I will not reveal the details at this time. Man approached us and said hello as well.

So much for being inconspicuous, huh? Today, not so much stalking as talking.

--Rita

Things Are Looking Up... Almost

VIEWER RESPONSES:

 “Potentially funny.”

                  --Annabelle’s sister

 “You’re going to get sued.”

                 --Rita’s mother

  
Purpose (continued):

The golden rule of stalkers states, “If you stalk others, you must allow yourself to be stalked by them.” This blog fulfills that requirement. We don’t give the address out to just anyone, which means that you (because you are reading this post) are also a stalker. We welcome you. Feel free to follow us.

Update:

Today’s stalking adventure did not go as planned. In fact, it did not happen at all. Annabelle clearly doesn’t understand that lunchtime is for stalking, not eating. Sometimes you have to sacrifice something good (like eating) for something better (like following people around). I thought everyone knew that. Apparently not.

Coming Soon:

Perhaps tomorrow we will have some stalking to report on… Perhaps tomorrow we will have a follower who will read our report… I can promise one thing. We will soon be posting a list of the blogs we stalk frequently (which are many). Will yours be one of them?

--Rita

Dear Miss America,

Okay, this post has nothing to do with the fact that we stalk people, or anything relating to that matter. This post is strictly my opinion that I just have to tell SOMEONE about, and this seemed like a great place to do it.
You see, Saturday night I had the wonderful privelege of watching the Miss America Pagent. I have looked forward to this event just about every year since I can remember. Miss America to me was like watching life size barbies appear on the screen. These girls were gorgeous, talented, smart, and altogether amazing; at least they were in the eyes of a four year old. I skipped a couple years of watching the glorious pagent, and then it happened that I would only watch it if it happened to be on and I happened to flip to the right channel. An avent such as this occured on Friday night.
I turned on the T.V. and realized that the Miss America Pagent was on. With eagerness, I jumped onto the couch, pulled a blanket over me and settled in. It was that night that I realized just how stupid and disgusting this world has become. I started watching just in time for the swimsuit competition and started to get nervous when the MC said "Coming up we have the swim suit competition! Who doesn't love that? I mean, in all reality, we're about to see a bunch of half naked ladies walk around the stage!" Wow Mr. Announcer, thank you for basically calling women animals and saying that all we are good for is our bodies. You suck. May I remind you that about 10 years ago everyone was all crazed about how they wanted to get rid of the swimsuit competition, but they decided to keep it because the whole reason it was started was to promote fitness in young women!?!? Tell me how telling us that we are going to see a bunch of half naked ladies prance around the stage is going to promote fitness!!!! Which brings me to my next point; not one contestant this year was wearing a one piece, or even semi-modest swimsuit. Usually you can count on at least one or two from like Utah or Oregon, but this year, there was not one. NOT ONE! And every single girl was wearing high heals. Go look up picutres of the swimsuit competiton 50 years ago; you may be surprised to find that basically every girl was barefoot and wearing a one piece swimsuit. THAT is promoting fitness. Let's try not to teach our children that the only way to look good is to wear a bikini and prance around a stage in high heels.
Next was the evening wear. Let's just say all of the gowns were ugly. There really was not one dress that I liked. Oh wait, that's a lie, there was one, but I'm not sure if I really did like her dress, or if I just liked it because the comment she gave while walking in it was about how she wanted her dress to be something that would be a good example for her kids.
Then we went on to the talent portion. This is where I REALLY started to get frustrated. Well let's face it, every single girl thinks that the only talent options there are in the world are to sing, dance, or play the piano. And that is what I saw. Over, and over, and over, and over, and over. Where is the variety people?!?! But the big thing that drove me nuts was the singing. Usually the talents in pagents aren't really talents because it's more of a side thing that you only do because every competition has a talent portion. And usually if you sing, it means you REALLY don't have a talent. Thankfully, the girls usually go see a nice voice teacher and manage to squeak out a nice little ballad of some sort. Usually the songs are very nice and are classic and timeless pieces. Well apparently this year, everyone decided that it would be best if they sang a pop song, or some other wierd song choice that did not showcase their voice well and showed that they really didn't have talent because they were cheat singing. I mean, come on people!!!
Then came the questions. Don't even get me started. Let's just say, if they give you a question, ANSWER IT!! Don't tell me about something else, answer the freaking question! Wow. I personally feel that this portion of the competition should be the biggest. Who really cares about beauty?
I don't think I even remember who won. I think it was Miss Nebraska. Congratulations. But honestly, I really don't think I want my children looking up to you as a role model. Even if you can wear a bikini, a dress, and sort of sing. I'm pretty sure that I'm going to run Miss America someday and I will put those girls through things they have never been through. I think I would make it so there is no way you can win based on beauty. It's all about fitness, and knowledge, and talent. Yes, I like this competiton already. :)
--Annabelle

Somebody's Eyes

This is our theme song. "Somebody" refers to us. "You" refers to you. Yes, YOU.

Careful what you do
Someone's on to you
Careful what you do
Careful what you say
Cause you're on display
Every night and every day
Somebody's hiding in the great unknown
And every time you think that you're alone
Somebody's eyes are watching
Somebody's eyes are seeing you come and go
Somebody's out there, waiting for the show
You've got no disguise
From somebody's eyes
Somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody's eyes
Whoa-oh
Somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody's eyes
Whoa-oh
Careful how you speak
Turn the other cheek
Be careful how you speak
Think a naughty thought
And if you get caught
Well, then boy, you've bought a lot of trouble
Somewhere there's someone with a perfect view
And they're just dying for a little peek-a-boo
Boo!
Somebody's eyes are watching
Somebody's eyes will never close, never sleep
Somebody's after the secrets that you keep
Who's got alibis
From somebody's eyes?
Somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody's eyes
Whoa-oh
Somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody's eyes
Whoa-oh
Never laugh to loud
Never leave a crowd
Never dress risque
There'll be hell to pay
If you've ever had anything to hide
Think twice before you step outside
Somebody's eyes are watching
Somebody's eyes are following every move
Somebody's waiting to show they don't approve
Nothin' satisfies
Somebody's eyes
Ain't no alibis
In somebody's eyes
You've got no disguise
From somebody's eyes
Somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody's eyes
Whoa-oh
Somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody's eyes
Whoa-oh
Whoa-oh

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

And that is why we stalk. In all reality we aren't really stalkers, merely people who enjoy learning about other people's lives, although that makes us sound more creepy.
Once upon a time this was a wonderful, lovely, well written post; and then it got deleted. So you'll just have to wait to hear more.

--Annabelle

Welcome to Stalk and Talk!

Stalk and Talk is a nonprofit organization founded by Annabelle and Rita on January 14, 2011 (that’s today). As co-founder, I am proud to be writing the first post on this truly unique blog.

This blog is NOT a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are NOT products of the bloggers’ imaginations and are NOT used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is NOT AT ALL coincidental. However, names will be changed to protect identities. Even our names are changed!

We are professional people watchers and aspiring rebels. We’re not actually THAT creepy. We are simply interested in observing, recording, and laughing at the behavior of other people. Our motto is “to each his own”.

We are learning how to step outside our comfort zones and be immature. Details on our progress will be posted in the future.

Rita